Christmas Contact

Christmas is the season of Goodwill, or so the saying goes, but this is not always the case in unhappy households. The Christmas seasoncan be a tough time for a child whose parents have separated. A common cause of upset can be parents who are separating and who are trying to make arrangements for their children over the Christmas period.

Parents must remember that the most important person, especially at this time, is the child. In an ideal world the child would like Mum and Dad to be together and everybody to be happy, unfortunately we do not live in such a world. Christmas can be a tough time for a child during a separation, which can be made worse if an amicable agreement cannot be reached between parents.

It is understandable that each parent wants enough time and space with a child to create the ‘perfect Christmas’. Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes, and imagine how they are feeling. Any negativity will impact on the Christmas festivities and could disrupt Christmas itself. These memories will remain with a child into adulthood.

If contact has not been agreed then now is the time to do it. Normal contact arrangements should be put on hold for the festive season. To leave it until Christmas Eve is only going to cause problems for everybody as other plans will have been made as to how the Christmas period is to be spent and it is no good assuming that you know what the arrangements are. Even if there are regular agreements, it is always worth just checking with each other to ensure that you are both ‘singing from the same hymn sheet’. Ideally arrangements for Christmas should be made by the end of November, to ensure everybody is happy with the arrangements.

If you would like contact over the Christmas period it does no harm to say, “I would like to have contact” instead of “I want contact” they mean the same, but the first indicates that you are willing to co-parent, and as such, you are more likely to agree arrangements. Always bear in mind that there are 364 other days in the year, and you show a child that they’re loved all year round. There is no need to put all your emotional energy into one day out of the year.

It is nice to spend time with the child on Christmas Day, but what about the child? Is it fair to interrupt the child’s day playing with his or her new toys so that you can see them for a short period of time?  Consider picking the child up on Christmas night and have your child stop with you all day Boxing day, with Santa coming again on Christmas night you can then spend time watching your child opening their presents in the morning, as the children enjoy their 2nd Christmas in two days. If this is not possible, why not hold Christmas on another day? In the Ukraine Christmas is observed twice, once on the 25th December and then again on the 7th January, this would give everybody something to look forward to.

Families no longer just consist of Mum and Dad, many families these days include other half siblings or other children who they are not related to, and parents should consider if it is fair to take a child away from this ‘family’ half way through Christmas Day? Will it cause a child distress to leave everybody else behind? It is a fine balancing act to get the contact arrangements right.  However it is always more important for the child to spend good quality time with their parent than to spend time visiting extended family members at this time, those people maybe your relative and it may be tradition to meet up with them but your child’s needs should come first.

Remember that your child still loves both of you and they do not want to hear the people they love fighting, this is not what Christmas is all about. There must be give and take at Christmas time to make sure that the childhood memories of Christmas do not include constant disputes for your child. Below are some hints to make a Christmas merry for both parents and most importantly, the child:-

1. Remember that your child is the most important person to consider when making arrangements for Christmas contact.
2. Ask the other parent to work with you on this issue. It may be worth showing them this article to help focus their mind. 
3. Remind your child, and yourself, that Christmas is one day, and there will be plenty of special occasions over the next 364 days.
   
4. Do not speak negatively to your child about the other parent, or criticise their plans with the other parent.
5. Refrain from having an argument, or heated discussion, at contact handovers. This will lead to more animosity and cause upset to your child. 
6. Enjoy the lead up to Christmas with your child in the time you have, do not try to cram it all into one day. 
7. Keep you child protected from any disagreement between you and your co-parent. Make every attempt to ensure they do not pick up on any hostilities.
   

Christmas can also be a very difficult time for families who have perhaps been unhappy for some time and are heading towards separation.  Christmas can be the final “breaking point” for some families.  If you decide during the Christmas period that a separation is the only way forward there will be various issues that you need to consider:-

• How and when do you tell the children?
• Is one of you going to move out and if so how will you arrange your financial affairs in the interim?
• Does the house need to be put on the market?
• What do you do with joint bank accounts and credit cards?
  

It is important that you get detailed legal advice before you make any of theses decisions.  Our offices are open until 1pm on Christmas Eve and re-open on the 30th December and we are available to take your call.  Alternatively you can arrange a Consultation by completing our on-line Consultation form.